healing from heartbreak.

I fell in love with him the minute I saw him. I pictured it all with him — marriage, babies, growing old with him. I truly believed I would spend forever with this person. I started planning my life and future around him.

Sometimes, God breaks your heart and ruins your plans to save your soul.

I found myself alone in a new city with no one familiar. At the start of it all, I looked at this isolation as a burden or some type of punishment. Why would God lead me here only for me to be heartbroken? I shifted the perspective I was viewing my season through and saw God's redirection as a blessing. Similar to the Book of Job, in the midst of the suffering, betrayal, and heartache, I am entirely leaning on faith and God.

The past three months of healing has taught me several lessons that I hope can help someone else who might be going through a storm in their lives. I discovered that holding God's hand and meditating on His words saved me from drowning. I pray that you allow yourself to be wrapped in God's love and know that you are altogether treasured and deserving in the eyes of the Creator.

1. Focus on God, not the storm. John 14:8, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 18:16, Matthew 14:22-23. Even though I am heartbroken, the peace within me is overwhelming. Turning to God in this isolation has been my saving grace. Starting my day with God sets my eyes on the blessings that are lined up for me that day from Him. It keeps my eyes focused on finding the bits and pieces of God's love and happiness throughout my day. It's not pretty or easy and sometimes my prayers are silent and wordless but showing up is the most important part. If I can't show up for God, who can I show up for?
   

2. Healing is not linear. John 11:35, 2 Kings 20:5, Psalm 94:19. At the start of it all, I cried more than I'd like to admit. I was hit with vivid dreams for weeks and I would wake up thinking it was all just a nightmare only to realize: it's reality. I couldn't sleep for more than an hour at a time because my mind wouldn't stop thinking about the "why" and "how could he be this person?" I'll be fine for most of the day, but when I come back to my apartment, I see him in every corner of this place. At first, I tried to distract myself from the pain, hoping the memories would gradually grow faint and disappear on their own. I quickly realized that true growth comes from facing the hurt head-on. There will be days when it feels like you are making progress in your healing, only to be overwhelmed by a wave of memories that leave you feeling like you are back at square one. You are grieving not just a relationship, but the future you once envisioned with the person you built up in your mind. Give yourself the time to mourn and heal at your own pace. Reminder: Jesus wept even when He knew that God had Him covered. God doesn’t rush your healing. He sits with you and comforts you as long as you need until you are ready.
   

3. Let them. Romans 8:31, Mel Robbins 24:7. Let them say what they want to say. Let them think what they want to think. Let them believe whatever they want to believe. Let them reveal their true character to you and learn to accept them as they are. God knows the silent struggles I've faced and knows my heart. Dwelling on how people are viewing you wrong or not knowing the truth will not change anything except increasing negativity in your mind. You are going to drain your mental well-being if you are going to make it your mission for people to see your heart. Those who love you and respect you will know your heart without you having to defend it.
   

4. Do not change your heart. 1 Corinthians 16:14, Galatians 6:9, Job 42:10. Anyone who truly knows me knows that I am all about love. My heart is worn on my sleeve; it is pure, unconditional, and genuine. Despite everything, my love will always remain, because that's simply how my heart operates. The love I give cannot be undone, erased, or flipped. If I’ve loved you once, I’ll always love you. Continue doing things out of love and you will reap a full harvest. Just because they mishandled your heart, don’t lose faith on being a good person with a genuine heart. God is a man of His words and He will give you back tenfold of what you poured out into him.
   

5. Surround yourself with love. Proverbs 17:17, Proverbs 13:20. My family and friends make me feel seen and loved. When I forget my worth, they remind me how God views me: valued and worthy. They pray over me, with me, and for me. No matter how many times I retell the same story or how often I reach out, I never feel judged or like a burden. I show up and they accept me as is — whether that is someone who is talkative or just sits there in silence. Moving away from home highlighted how bright the light of my tribe is and it has become my lighthouse, especially during this dark time. They are seamlessly healing wounds, one by one, that they did not create. They mirror God's love and grace and I am forever blessed by each of them.
   

6. Forgive yourself and them when you’re ready. Ephesians 4:32, Matthew 6:14-15, Job 22:21-22. Similar to airplane safety, before helping others, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first. Forgiveness begins with you. You cannot extend forgiveness to others when you cannot mirror that for yourself. Forgive yourself for staying. Forgive yourself for thinking you deserved that. Forgive yourself for trying to fix and save them. Forgive yourself as much as you need to in order to find peace within yourself. Forgiving them is not saying what happened was okay — it’s allowing yourself to let go of that hurt and anger. I heard this quote the other day that said, “God forgives you for the pain you’ve caused Him without an apology. So why are you above doing the same to one another?” When you are ready, let all of it go and let God take over. You truly glow differently when you stop carrying the hurt on your shoulders.
   

7. Closure is overrated. Isaiah 43:18-19, Genesis 19:26, Psalm 37:1-9. You do not need closure to move on. I’ve struggled deeply with how things ended and the truths that have come out afterwards, but I’ve realized I can’t stay in a place that hurt me and expect healing. The way they treated you is between them and God. Instead, I choose to focus on God, who is working to plant and bring forth new beginnings for me. Take all that energy you want to use to try theorize and understand how someone could be that way and root it in prayer, God, and your own heart.
   

8. Be still. Exodus 14:14, Ephesians 3:20. God was right there with you and saw what they did. He saw what you didn't see and heard what you didn't hear. He heard the lies, felt the betrayal, and watched your heart be mishandled. He stands at your door, waiting for you to invite Him in, so you can lay your anxieties and struggles at His feet. I've learned that sometimes God allows you to face more than you can handle, not to burden you, but to remind you that you don't have to carry it alone.
   

9. Sadly, love is not enough. Ephesians 5:25, Ruth 1:16-17, 2 Corinthians 6:14. The foundation you build your relationship on cannot be just love. Both partners must bring to the relationship respect, loyalty, sacrifice, compromise, forgiveness, accountability, understanding, patience, trust, faithfulness, protection, consideration, and transparency. These pillars must be present from both partners not only on good days or when it's convenient, but even more so during the challenging times.
   

10. God's plan > your plan. Jeremiah 29:11, Joel 2:25, Romans 8:18. When I am in a place of negativity, it's so easy for the enemy's loud voice to drown out God's gentle whisper. That's why there has been beauty in this seclusion because it has been an invitation for me to sit with God's voice without distractions. I forget that Jesus laid His life on the cross for me, the flawed woman that I am. Yet in His eyes, I am altogether worthy and enough. Do you think God is going to send you a partner whose love does not mimic that type of love? I am trusting God without knowing the plan but I know that God will take me places that exceed my greatest plans. He will restore every piece of my broken heart and take me far beyond my dreams.
    

11. You are a man's missing rib. Luke 12:7, Genesis 2:22-24, Ecclesiastes 3:11. When God created man, He looked at the man's life and both of them felt that something was still missing. God took a rib from the man’s side and created a woman. All the immense beauty and blessings in the man's world lacked any meaning until he had his woman (one woman) by his side. Someone is going to love, value, appreciate, and respect every single part of you — the light in your eyes, your laughter, your smile, your funny dances, your spirit. You were just sitting at a table with someone who doesn't know his rib is missing. God, in His perfect timing, will send you someone who knows his missing rib is you. Until then, learn to dance with God, love yourself, and cherish the life you are building.
    

If I had the chance to go back and change anything, I wouldn't change a thing because I am exactly where God wants me to be. I would still meet him on that cold Thursday night in Boston for our first date. I would still fall in love with him and move to NOVA. I have no regrets about the love I poured into that relationship because my heart stayed pure and genuine the entire time. What tried to "break" me pushed me right into God's arms.

If God believes that this storm is meant to shape and strengthen me into a better woman, then I trust His plan completely. God knowingly sent me into the storm because He knew it would knock me off of the path I had envisioned for myself for a greater destination only He knows about. I may not know exactly where God is leading me, but I know it’s to places beyond anything I could ever imagine for myself. What I do know for sure: Who I am becoming is always worth it.

To him: Thank you for breaking my heart in the manner that you did. You set me free from what I thought I deserved and forced me to elevate and walk in the blessings that the Lord has for me. Respectfully, I pray that one day you allow your heart to meet God and grow into the man He wants you to be.